Hark! I hear the bed a calling...New Hymn by M. Others

I can't believe that the frenzy of the last 2 weeks leading to the 25th is over by the midnight. Christmas dinner was wonderful. Roast, veg, wine , not necessarily in that order. The boys were good. All 6 of them played together without any fighting involved. Actually, I lie. They were lobbing banana skin, mushrooms and whatever you can pick up from Mario Kart DS at each other to win the race. Yes, NJ and nj got a DS each. Their friends have had them for at least a year now. I admire our boys. They weren't hankering for one nor were they doing the "but Mummy,..... Pleaseeeeeeeeee". We thought that they deserved one this year .
I was just sitting and thinking about how does one gauge what one deserves. Never mind the part of whether we can afford it or not, what are the parameters? I think, as a mother, if the kids have successfully mastered the art of pulling at Mother's heartstrings, they actually will get what they want and not necessarily not what they deserve. Why I never figured that out when I was a kid, I'll never understand. I know, I am not as smart as I think I am.
My sister gave us a lovely present and we will use it in the New Year. Spongebob toaster. The boys will be eating cheese toast, ham toast and toast in every form until Spongebob gets out of fashion.
We didn't get a white Christmas this year. The weather was mild and bright. Lovely day at Church yesterday. I have always loved the Nativity scene. I love looking at how Mary is next to baby Jesus, looking tired but happy that her baby is fine but surprised that there were Magis , 3 of them and shepherds. That itself tells you who the baby is. Oh yes, there were Angels as well. When our boys were born, they were miracles. The point of conception to delivery was a miracle as well. Watching them grow and learn is the ongoing miracle which we sometimes forget.
I can't believe that we could create these 2 lovely boys. Sometimes they drive me mad, sometimes they are so good and helpful, all the time, loving. Sitting back and admiring the fact that as Man and Wife, we have such power. Parents should realise that the power that we are given is to be used wisely. Sometimes we only get one chance and we have to treat each chance that we get like it's the only one. For someone who does not have children, it sounds daunting . Trust me, most of the time, it isn't . It may be tiring, very tiring, but it all feels worth it at the end. To see them smile and say Mummy or Daddy makes all the pain worth it. To watch them get up and get their own breakfast without waking you up is even better, hee hee hee.
We should not be looking for the next miracle that can change the world like Jesus' birth, but look at the miracle in our own homes. The ones that we are going to bring up to change the world.
Merry Christmas to all and have a good year ahead.

Slip sliding all day

It's so cold, penguins need a fur coat. I remember back home, putting air conditioning in ever nook and corner, fans in every room as well. I used to think how nice it would be to live somewhere that's cool. Yes, i got this. Probably 1 degree short of the arctic. I have on 3 layers of clothing at the moment and it does not include my bra nor my coat. I just spent a bomb on a coat. The last time I bought one was 4 years ago. Proper winter coats are dead expensive and I need it to last. It has to keep me warm as well. Weeks of debating and reading reviews on coats before I shelve out hundreds of dollars for one. My aunt likes her house as warm as the tropics. I can't function in that heat anymore. Brain just goes to shut down mode.
The roads are icy and the kids ( God look after their noggins) try to slip and slide all the way to school. Puddles are iced up and kids go around with their wellies breaking them into shards. I get worried that some of those shards are actually glass left over from a night of binging. Everything is white in the morning and from the warmth of my room, it actually looks very serene and pretty. Until one gets out on the roads towards one of the North west largest shopping centre, you'd think that the world was coming to an end and people need to stock up til the next millenium. With the price of food nowadays, I know what I'm doing with my 35foot backyard next year.
Saw the Pope this year. Went with mum to Lourdes. Her first, my third. I know they say that you can pray anywhere and God'll hear ya but there is something in Lourdes that calms me. Gives me hope, rejuvenates my spirit. When mum was here, it was also the first time I went out in the evening with friends on my own, without the kids. Never did that before. I was apprehensive and it was hard to have fun when feeling so guilty. According to Ange, my friend, she says I worry for at least 10 families. I worry that no one can handle or communicate with Nick. So far, according to family and close friends, fears not justified. I know, I know, cut the umbilical cord already.
Not ready yet today. Will try tomorrow. They're only babies for 5 minutes. Soon they'll learn to tie their shoe laces and move out. Part of me dread it, the other part can't wait.

Nightmares...

Every mother's recurring nightmare ( which in actual fact is reality ), is how the laundry basket gets emptied but fills up with such regularity that puts the moon cycle to shame. I am faced with a mountain of ironing every week. Uniforms first, my clothes next, then the kids pj's, mine , bedsheets and lastly the towels. I used to hate ironing. Would only iron on the day I needed to wear the outfit. With a complete psych up that didn't require Prozac, I talked myself into liking ironing. Now, I'll iron anything, for as long as it takes. I even help my friend out once in a while and the longest I spent ironing was 5 hours in a stretch. Now that sure beats all those stop smoking psych that they advertise. However, I managed the ironing part but I STILL do not like putting the freshly ironed clothes back in the cupboard. I dread it. I sometimes end up living out of the basket that holds the nicely ironed clothes. It's a strange phenomenon like the sock drawer. Can't get them in line and in any order. Not that I can't, just don't want to.
I get the kids to help out with laundry. They separate the clothes by colours ( arguments on where the stripey t shirt goes does ensue), they hang up the little bits on the pegs when it comes out of the washer and they take them down when it's dried. They also automatically put the ironed tea towels back into the drawer in the kitchen. Yes, I am mad. I iron anything. Bought this super duper steam iron that can iron with such ease that the first time I had it, I ironed everything in sight and never looked back.
Don't remember when my mom let me first use the iron. I remember doing things like the hankies and some small stuff. You see, there are no rule books on when to teach the kids survival skills like this. As a girl, it was a "supposed to learn" skill. Parenting books tend to end the chapters by age 5. What about boys? I grew up in a predominantly female household, never had a boy-friend when I was growing up, don't know the natural progression of boys. Learning curve-very steep. Thank goodness hubby is a very independent person. Can cook, wash , iron. We talk a lot about cleaning and tidying as well. We want the boys to be able to look after themselves completely when they are adults. I want the boys to be responsible. nj went all the way to school once and forgot to bring his school bag. I saw it on the floor and I knew he left home without it but I did not say anything until he got to school and went " Mummy, you forgot my school bag" My reply was " I forgot? It's your school bag and if you forgot it, you have to go and explain to your teacher why you don't have it and in your explanation, the word "Mummy" shouldn't come into it." Safe to say, he never forgot his bag again and he realises now that he has to be responsible for his own things. I told them both that I will NOT go back home to get their forgotten things for them or keep reminding them about their own stuff.
It's so easy to mother them. So easy to do everything for them. Gets things done faster as well , but, they won't learn.
nj says to NJ when NJ ( the cheeky monkey ) asks him to get things for him " Go get it yourself. I am not your servant". No prize guessing where he learnt that from. Glad he's not a pushover.
I wonder if all these lessons that I am teaching the boys will one day end up being that "nightmare" that they'll be talking about. Sigh... Even if it is, at least it wouldn't be like the magic ironing laundry basket that I have.....

Deuteronomy

Having kids is like being put into a desert. You start wandering and hoping that you find a signpost. Hindsight is always 20/20 and every mother wants to make sure that the "mothering" that we do is the right stuff. There are books and seminars and every well meaning mother, aunt and person with a womb has hints and tips on how to manage/bring up children. No matter what anyone tells a mother, her gut feeling is very important. I can't explain the spidey senses that tingle when I think something isn't right .
I remember when we were kids and had a fall, our parents will say " Why did you go do that for?" . Nowadays, the minute our kids fall, our mobile phones come out ready to hit 999. My sis' son was diagnosed with ASD. I understand how she felt when the diagnosis was confirmed. I remember wondering how I could find anything positive out of finding out that NJ was deaf. I remember crying for a long time even though it wouldn't change anything. The one thing that helped me through it was being told that I should be happy that NJ was born to us. We were educated, motivated and we supported each other. This child was loved and will continue to be loved and supported to reach his fullest potential.
Every parent wants to make sure that their children can look after themselves when they are older. Looking at NJ now, I can see that he will manage. I was telling hubby the other day that I would be sad when the boys don't really need me anymore. They are already quite independent and quite responsible. I am really proud of the boys. All 3 of them.
Boys are hoping for snow this Christmas. Want to make a snowman. Better go read up on the technique on making one, just in case they have been praying really hard and God answers their prayers. The boys think that Mummy has all the answers and can do everything. Yeah right, I don't have the figure or power of Wonder Woman.
Christmas looms near. There is this crazed look on people's faces trying to tidy the house etc. Me? I don't really make an exeption. The only time I make a big fuss about tidying and cleaning every nook and corner is before my mum comes to visit. My friends saw that crazed look on my face before mum came for a holiday. Yup, she still puts the fear of God in me. That and I don't take nagging very well.
Looking at the boys now, I really feel like I've walked , not quite out of the desert but, into an Oasis. I feel safer now and I am smiling again and enjoying the kids.

Numbers...

What is it with kids and the 'who wants to be first' bit. When it comes to dessert, they want to be first, when it comes to who is going to shower first, it's always the other person. The way they go on sometimes about who has to go first for a shower makes getting a shower seem like a bad thing. Once they get in, we have to shout them out. Our boys have great minds for numbers. They can work mathematical problems, tell you how much money you need to buy 2 Nintendos and even use numbers to negotiate how many mouthfuls of vegetable they have to eat before they can leave the table. However, they can never tell you how many times I've told them not to jump on the sofa or how many times I've told them to turn off the lights. Another research/study in the making....
During my youth, ( Sigh! that was 2 decades ago ) I said that when I became a mother, I didn't want to sound like my mother. Unfortunately, it must be genetically coded. I found myself saying things like "Take your dirty feet off my white walls" and lies like " There is a special camera in class that I can see you with. It's in Mother Mary's eyes. " Poor kid actually believes me. Hey, better he believes that than Santa Claus ( one that costs too much ) or the tooth fairy (don't get the concept of paying a kid to lose his teeth). nj knows that although he doesn't believe in them doesn't mean he'll debunk it to his classmates and spoil their childhood. Sorry Ade, if Cait is reading this.......
Am learning how to sign Catholic Prayers with NJ. I sign broken sign language. He signs quite fluently. I made a mistake the other day . Me with my very serious face asking him ( in sign) Who? I did it with a lot of passion. He looked at me quizzically and said,"Mummy, that's not the sign for 'who' , that's the sign for 'park'. Which word did you want?". Needless to say, I couldn't be angry anymore. He has learnt so much more than I have. I used to be the one to learn the signs and teach him. Now, I come across a word and I ask him to teach me the sign.
NJ doesn't sign very much at home but I use it a lot in Church. It keeps the conversation quiet. I can tell him everything across the room without uttering a word. The beauty is that I don't need to shout across a room or over other people's voices. I really like it. It is almost like a secret message/conversation/language that only the both of us understand. What's more special is that I can finally communicate with my child.

Leviticus..

Hey, everyone needs rules. I found out with NJ and his hearing impairment is that if we had and followed rules, he became more co operative and was "better" behaved. Rules here were going to be different than the rules we had back home. Rule number 1 - Kids to be in bed, regardless of whether they sleep or not, by 7pm. That gives mummy some "me-time" from 7pm onwards. Never had that before. Used to put the kids to bed at 10pm and slept at the same time they did. Rule number 2 - no more sugar stuff for the kids. Rule number 3 - Mummy isn't sleeping with the kids anymore (this was harder for me that the kids.) and a gazillion others that are now so ingrained in our daily lives that I don't see them as rules anymore.
NJ had to learn concepts. This is not easy unless you perform the concept e.g. on, under, between etc. I was getting some panic attacks - how on earth are we going to cram all this into this little boy's head?!? He was fitted with digital hearing aids and sent to school with a FM system and a support teacher that signs. Watching him sign his first words made all the hair that I pulled out in panic attacks worth it.
Was told a story today that someone commented that they wouldn't pick on a deaf kid in school. It well known with kids that deaf kids are stronger (physically) than normal kids or kids with any other disability. Hmmmm.... Wonder if anyone did a study on this.
Best thing is that NJ doesn't realise that he has a "disability". He needed the "be nice to people with disability" talk. He never once asked why he has hearing aids and uses the FM system. Only yesterday, for the first time, he made the comment that he was going to put his hearing aids on as his ears were broken. That sentence broke my heart. He said it matter of factly and as a mom, I still feel that somehow, it was my fault. hubby, bless him, always reassuares me (especially during PMT time ) that it wasn't a fault, he was a blessing.
I am truly blessed with a great hubby and wonderful kids.

Exodus..

To new home via old homeland...

We traipsed to UK via Malaysia. It would be the last time that I would set foot on Malaysian soil for the longest time. Still haven't been back yet. We left on the last day of the year in 2004. I wanted to feel the sense of dread and sadness for leaving our marital home, the home that we had started our family in but I could not find any. I needed to think that there was a future out there for NJ. I was going to do my Masters as well while we were in the UK( Hurray! time to WD40 my brains). Whatever that lay in store for us in UK could not be worse that what we had in our home country. I had visions and high hopes after spending hundreds of hours online ( instead of ironing ) looking at what's in store for NJ. My family ( Aunt and cousins) in UK were so helpful. Got the pathway for NJ setup, school looked at etc. Both boys needed schooling and I had to go to school as well.
Mum came the day after we arrived. She was to stay for 3 months to help me out. We were all thrown into the deep end, with the weather ( which was the killer!), the culture ( kids going to bed at 7pm) and colloquial terms that befuddled me - dinner at lunch time and tea at dinner time?!?
NJ got into a special school that was focused in getting him acquainted to the English language in every form and nj got into a Catholic Primary School. I remember how NJ used to behave when we could not communicate with him. He had tantrums, did silly things etc.
First, they taught him Makaton. He came back with pictures and simple stick diagram books. He was by now, 5 years old and had no language whatsoever. He had lots to learn and catch up and I had lots to do, learn and catch up. This was the good stuff. This was the light at the end of the tunnel.

In the Beginning..

Genesis.
We were a family living in a nice warm country with sun, rain , shorts and t shirts. Due to problems with our oldest son, we had to head up North. Now it's rain, snow, cold, the only warmth the the radiator right next to my legs. I swear that I would be able to smell the scent of burning flesh in a minute.
Where we were before, I had not many friends, merely acquaintances. Priorities for children there were different. Our son was different. Through no fault of his, he was not integrating into society. He was born deaf. Not only was he diagnosed after the age of 2, he was then put into a method of only learning to listen and speak. To our frustration, ( mine was worse, my husband can attest to that ), he was not allowed to sign. Being a bright and intelligent boy, we realised that there something else was wrong when he was not learning any speech. Great visual learner, poor listening skills. Well, deafness and being a bloke didn't help as well.
Pre-primary was drawing close and we had no options. By the time we had baby number 2, we had to make a decision. We had to go elsewhere in order for this boy to flourish. The sense of dread, depression meant we had to have Plan B.
We headed up North and now, the story and the boy has changed but the family remained strong and at least mummy isn't so frustrated anymore!